Ape Kills Cat
an orangutan kills a tabby cat in a zoo, while a news reporter reports them as freinds
Rating: 
Father Goody News
funny
Rating:
Today’s Antidote 1- Doughboy vs Jackson trial
A very funny Fake News Satire.
Credits:
Executive Producers
PETER BENAVIDES jr
Walter Garcia
Writers
Veronica Piper
PETER BENAVIDES jr
cast
PETER BENAVIDES jr
VERONICA PIPER
WALTER GARCIA
CLAYTON HUBBARD
EXTRAS
JOSHUA FORD
MICHAEL FORD
ELIAS IBARRA
JACOB LUNSFORD
SHAuNDRA maciel
ANDREA bispo
Cinematography
Walter garcia
Director
walter garcia
Sound/Visual/
PHOTOGRAPHY EFFECTS
WALTER GARCIA
TECHNICAL
TRAVIS COCHREN
PETER BENAVIDES jr
WALTER GARCIA
VERONICA PIPER
CLAYTON HUBBARD
JOSHUA FORD
MICHAEL FORD
ANY VISUAL OR SOUND
DISPLAYED ON THIS PRODUCTION
WAS EITHER CREATED BY TODAY’S ANTIDOTE
OR IS ROALTY FREE. TODAY’S ANTIDOTE IS
AND WILL ALWAYS BE PETER BENAVIDES jr,
VERONICA PIPER, AND WALTER GARCIA
TODAY’S ANTIDOTE COPYRIGHT 2006
Rating:
The Dangers Of Being A TV News Reporter
Compilation Reel
Source: http://gawker.com/377201/the-dangers-of-being-a-television-news-reporter
Rating:
Funny Pet News #3- A Voting Dog, Horse Sushi, Canine Drives
This is Zootoo.com’s program dedicated to Pet News.
Watch as Laura and Beth bring you real pet news that proves the truth is stranger than fiction.
This episode;
Voting Dog
Horse Sushi
Kept Alive by Rabbit and Horse Blood
Ace Sniffer Dogs Fired
Kitten Rescued from Sewer Drain
Canine Behind the Wheel
Show transcript;
BETH: A Voting Dog, Horse Sushi, and a Canine behind the wheel! Today, on Zootoo News.
BETH: Real Pet news that proves the truth is stranger than fiction.
LAURA: Because when things get catty, it’s a good thing.
Story 1
LAURA: Jane Balogh of Federal Way, Washington
could face felony charges because she registered her Australian shepherd-terrier mix, Duncan, to vote.
She said she did this to make a point that Washington’s voting requirements are too lax.
In the prior 3 elections, she sent in bogus ballots and even signed the dog’s voter registration card with a paw print.
Wow, I can’t believe it took authorities so long to catch this.
Duncan’s not even American!
Story 2
BETH: Due to shortages of tuna in Japan, sushi chefs are now contemplating horse meat.
A tuna scare in 1973 forced sushi chefs to find other red-colored substitutes like raw horse.
One Tokyo restaurant owner says worse comes to worse, they will use the surprisingly tasty horse meat once again.
LAURA: You mean Sea Horse, right?
BETH: No. Horse Horse.
Sushi picture receives horse tail.
Both girls lean over and “vomit”.
Story 3
BETH: A seriously ill teenager is being kept alive by horse and rabbit blood.
Cara Heaney was diagnosed with a rare illness called aplastic anaemia.
She is now receiving transfusions of Horse antibodies and rabbit blood products to fighting off bone-marrow failure.
Her mother said: “Without this treatment Cara would not be alive today.”
When asked if she feels differently after these transfusions, 14 year old Cara said “Nay!”
LAURA: [Wow. Pretty good.] You do any other horse impressions?
BETH: slaps. Blows lips. Stops.
LAURA: Anything else?
BETH: Nay.
Story 4
LAURA: Two street mutts who became ace sniffer dogs at a Thailand airport have been fired for
urinating on luggage and
sexually harassing female passengers.
Apparently, so many passengers complained about their lewd behavior they had to be fired.
BETH: Come on, can you blame them? I mean, did you see those skirts they were wearing!?
LAURA: I’m not saying they were asking for it, but…
Story 5
LAURA: A gray tabby kitten, trapped in a storm sewer drain in West Verginia,
finally climbed out after 250 gallons of water were pumped into the drain.
On the scene of the rescue were 2 firetrucks, 5 firefighters, and several animal rescuers.
Geez, that’s a lot of men to get excited over one wet pussy…
BOTH: …cat.
Story 6
BETH: In Idaho, a black lab named Charlie drove a car into the river,
while his owner was running in for a pizza.
Somehow the dog got the car in neutral and coasted straight into the water,
jumping out before it sank.
BETH: Be careful on the road — watch out for driving dogs and Paris Hilton!
LAURA: Yeah!, and now he’s charged with a D.U.I. — Doggie Under Influence!
BETH: Yeah! And you can bet the punishment will be Ruff!
LAURA: Charlie’s owner should have taught him to put the car in Bark!
And they laugh and laugh.
Have text appear — Thanks for watching Zootoo News. Real Pet news that proves the truth is stranger than fiction. (As if we can’t say it cause we are laughing too hard).
Rating:
Funny Pet News #7 Winner Wiener, Monkey Mullet, Horse Testis
This is Zootoo dot com’s program dedicated to Funny Pet News.
Watch as Laura Valpey and Beth Hoyt bring you real pet news that proves the truth is stranger than fiction.
This episode;
The Winning Wiener
Bulldog Ruins Marriage
A Bear-able Pet
The Monkey Mullet
Macavity The Mystery Cat
Horse Testicle
Rating:
Funny Pet News #6- Doggie Whores, Knut, Cat Predicts Death
This is Zootoo.com’s program dedicated to Funny Pet News.
Watch as Beth Hoyt and Laura Valpey bring you real pet news that proves the truth is stranger than fiction.
This episode;
Killer Cat
Lavish Pet Funeral
Cute Knut Children’s Book
Rat Land Mine Detector
Missing Boa Constrictor
Cops Kill Pig
Dog Whores
Attempted K-9 Robbery
Show transcript;
BETH: A Grim Reaper Cat, Knut!, and Doggy Rentals … All true pet stories, on Zootoo News.
1.) LAURA:
Oscar the cat, who lives in a nursing home in Providence, Rhode Island seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when patients are about to die. The cat seems to always curl up next to patients before they pass away. One thing Oscar will never hear? “Heeeeerre kitty kitty …”
2.) LAURA:
A funeral home in China recently received a big contract, preparing a 2 day, $13,000 funeral for a widower’s only companion, his dog. Locals complained that the lavish pet funeral was unnecessary. But would you want to be the guy who’s dog funeral didn’t have an open bar?
4.) BETH:
Knut the very popular polar bear that resides in the Berlin Zoo has a new 44-page children’s book out about him. When asked if the Harry Potter series will interfere with its sales, Knut’s trainer said “No, because at the end of Harry Potter, everyone was surprised when beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeP, but that won’t happen at the end of Knut’s 7th book.
5.) LAURA
Columbian police have begun a new program, training rats to detect explosives in minefields. In order to teach them to be less skiddish on the fields, the rodents are locked in cages with cats, which helps them overcome their fear of possible predators.
The next goal: help them overcome their fear of getting blown up.
6.) LAURA:
Dana Shields’ pet boa constrictor is missing near a Memphis golf course. The owner says she named the snake Fluffy so people would be less fearful of him. Which sounds nice, until you realize he was named after his last meal.
Beth: marshmallow pie thought
Laura: No. Fluffy dog joke.
7.) BETH:
The Jones family is furious with their local sheriff’s department in Georgia, after a deputy shot and killed their pet pig, Gator, when he wandered onto a neighbor’s property.
There is more controversy to this story, as the Jones’ reported that Gator weighed 90lbs, but the sheriff’s office estimated the pig weighed 200 lbs. After hearing this the Jones’ said, “first you kill our pig, now you call him fat!”
8.) BETH:
And now, the latest in canine convenience — a California company that contracts out dogs by the day.
Marlena Cervantes, founder of FlexPetz, bristles when people refer to her five-month-old business as a rent-a-pet service. She prefers the term ‘’shared pet ownership”, saying “our members realize they can’t care for a pet full-time.”
Laura: Sounds perfect for those commitment phobe guys. (immediately realizes mistake, looks at beth) Sorry, Be—
Beth: Yeah, so they’ll know what it feels like to be taken out for a day, made to feel special, and then never called on again.
9.) LAURA:
Three criminals attempted to rob a K-9 unit training facility in Gainesville, Georgia. A sergeant on the scene said “for anyone to run from a whole unit of canines, it’s just a no win situation.”
Signs outside the training facility warn: “Caution! Gainesville Police Department K-9 Training Facility! Keep Out!” Which proves that even if you’re planning on becoming a criminal, you need to learn to read.
“Beware of Dog”
“Caution Keep Out!”
“Seriously. Big Dogs Ahead.”
“Dude. You’re Going to Get Bit”
“You Should Have Learned To Read”
Picture of Big dog
Picture of it biting a man
Picture of a hand pointing at the person looking at it.
Rating:
Funny Pet News #4- Royal Pain, Zorse, Love Motel for Dogs
This is Zootoo.com’s program dedicated to Funny Pet News.
Watch as Laura Valpey and Beth Hoyt bring you real pet news that proves the truth is stranger than fiction.
This episode;
Royal Pain
Zorse
Two-Headed Lizard
Dog Survives 6-story Jump
Dog Found Hanging Upside Down on Fence
Puppy Cats?
Doggie Road Trip
Love Motel for Dogs
Show transcript;
LAURA: A Royal Pain, A Zorse, and a Looove Motel for Dogs …
all True, all today, on Zootoo News.
BETH: Here, when we have a story about adoption, it doesn’t involve Angelina Jolie.
LAURA: Hi, I’m Laura Valpey
BETH: And I’m Beth Hoyt. First up today:
Story 1:
BETH: In London, Mark McGowan ate a dog as a way to protest the royal family’s alleged link to animal cruelty.
The royal family responded by saying, “Fine, we’ll let Camilla out of her cage.”
Story 2:
BETH: A half-horse/half-zebra hybrid has been born, and they’re calling it a Zorse.
Cross breeding animals to create hybrids is gaining in popularity. This hybrid’s fuel efficiency has even attracted the attention of Al Gore.
Also, it has such great horsepower.
Story 3:
LAURA: Barbara Witte, a reptile breeder, was surprised with birth of her two-headed bearded dragon. Experts say usually one head will establish dominance, and the other one won’t eat, just like the Olson twins.
Story 4:
LAURA: In Cologne, a dog survived a jump out of a six-story window, landing on a third floor balcony.
His owners have no idea why he took the jump, but continue to feed him Red Bull.
Story 5:
BETH: In Johannesburg, South Africa, after 7 hours in the bitter cold, a dog was found hanging upside down from a fence by his testicles.
After years of being pissed on, the fence finally had the dog by the balls.
The owners took down the dangerous fence, and it was immediately purchased by Bob Barker.
Story 6:
BETH: While locals say it is simply a money-making scam, A Brazilian woman claims her cat gave birth to the puppies it was found nursing, making them puppy cats? Kitty Dogs?
A mix of two animals? That is crazy!
And who would be desperate enough to use newborns as a way to get money?
Story 7
LAURA: BREAKING NEWS!!! On a family road trip in 1983, Presidential hopeful, Mitt Romney, placed his family dog into a kennel strapped to the top of his station wagon. The dog expressed his discomfort with an attack of diarrhea.
And if we learned anything in 1983, it’s that on family road trips, shit happens.
Story 8:
LAURA: Robson Marinho claims he has opened the first Love Motel for Dogs in the world, complete with ceiling mirrors, romantic music and satin sheets.
The cost of doggie love room for two hours, $41. Not having to call her in the morning: Priceless.
BETH: Thank you for watching Zootoo News. See you next time.
LAURA: Why’d they call that thing a zorse? … why not a hor-bra?
BETH: Cause that’s a whore bra.
BETH: I don’t get the Red Bull joke. He jumped out of the window because he was hyper?
LAURA: No! Red Bull gives you wings!
Rating:
Talking Cat FUNNY Weekly World News Review Mike Mozart
Talking cat FUNNY BatBoy Weekly World News Review. YES! The Bat Boy Lives on You Tube! It’s Amazing and Hilarious. One of the Funniest Videos of All Time! Mike Mozart your Toy and Product Guru found him at RD1999 video titled “BatBoy 3″ BatBoy 1 and Batboy 2 are also very good. I imagine all my fans that Liked my Spiderman 3 reviews will love this.
1. If you like Disney’s Winnie the Pooh Toys, Check out my review of “Tumble Time Tigger” This is the Coolest Bouncy Toy ever made of Tigger by Fisher Price ! I make a Hilarious call on a cool 90’s to Christopher Robin in the Hundred Acre Woods! On of my Top Favorite Videos! ROFL
2. I also have two different Toy product review Videos featuring Disney’s Ariel, The Little Mermaid. The first, Michael Mozart eating and Ariel Lollipop, is one of My Top Rated Favorites Ever! Hilarious and Fun! The Second Little Mermaid Product is a Paddle and Ball Set which has Ariel being bashed in the face with the ball! LOL
3.If you Like the Simpsons, I have three of the funniest ever product videos on You Tube! The first is a Funny, Moving Eye, Homer Simpson Clock! Homer’s eyes follow a Donut on the second hand! D’oh! The Second is a Belly Dancing Action Figure in a Towel of Homer Simpson Singing “Macho Man” by the Campy 80’s Band The Village People. A Unique Laugh Riot! The third Simpsons Product is a Homer Simpson Cockoo Clock with Homer Popping out of Moe’s Tavern to Count the Hours! A rare and fun collectible! Now at Spencer Gifts!
4. Teddy Bear Lovers will be shocked and happy, I review the New Toy Magical Light up Bear! He changes colors with concealed LED Lights inside! One of the Funniest Videos Ever. Also One of my Highest View Count Clips too. This is a really Cute Bear and he’s not camera shy! Check out the Funny Michael Mozart Review today!
5. For Mattel Barbie Doll Lovers. I have created a Laugh Riot video of Barbie and Tanner, Barbie’s pooping Yellow Labrador Dog. This Hysterical Toy Doll Review includeds Barbie with her puppy pooper scooper! This is a Sick Disgusting Toy as you feed the Poops back to Tanner, Barbies yellow Lab Doggie! Take a Peep Today on the JeepersMedia Channel!
6. Farting Toys are great, but Nothing compares to Fart Guy. My Fart Guy Product Review will leave you laughing and gasping for air. He creates an Armpit Farting Symphony! If you Like Rude Noisy Disgusting Farts, This Michael Mozart Toy Guru Review Video is a Fart Lovers Dream! Lewd, Crude and Rude. Take a look on Jeepersmedia! You’ll Love It!
7. Britney Spears has had her Troubles Lately, Divorce, Rehab, Drugs, Divorce from Federline, So I’ll cheer Brittany up with a Makeover!. I’ve recreated an old “Wooly Willy” toy from the past to create a full new Fashion assortment of Hairstyles for Britney Spears! Justin Timberlake will be back on Britney Spears Doorstep STAT! OMG it’s Funny. Go to the JeepersMedia channel to see this and lots of other funny Toy reviews by Mike Mozart your Product Guru!
8. Humping Dogs are always popular vids on You Tube, Check out my Review of the Love n’ Licks Puppy! If you REALLY like Humping Dog Video s , I also has a special guest appearance by Hump frey the humping dog. Super Funny one of my more unusual toy video reviews! NOTE this video is PG Rated as Hump Frey is a Fun Loving and Horny Little Puppy! XD.
9. I Also Created a Very Unusual Anna Nicole Smith Video! I interview Anna Nicole Smiths Ghost from beyond the grave. The most Bizarre Anna Nicole Smith Video. Check it out today on the JeepersMedia channel!
Batboy 1 Batboy 2 Batboy3 Batboy 3 Bat Boy Three Batboy-3 Batboy_3 Bat boy 3 Batboy3 bat boy 3 batboy3 RD1999 rd1999 BatBoy 3
Rating:
Funny Pet News #1- Feces House, Champion Poodle, Snake Plane
This is Zootoo.com’s program dedicated to Pet News.
Watch as Laura and Beth bring you real pet news that proves the truth is stranger than fiction.
This episode;
Family’s Goose
Basset Hound Found
Feces House
Champion Poodle
Pet Snake Reunited
Snakes on Plane
Show Transcript;
BETH: A feces house, Smash — the champion poodle, and snakes on a plane.
LAURA: All today, on Zootoo News. Real Pet news that proves the truth is stranger than fiction.
OPENER … Beth Hoyt …. Laura Valpey … Zootoo News ….
Laura: Because when we say Pooch, we don’t mean your belly.
Beth: Here’s a true story:
Story 1
BETH: A man faces three misdemeanor charges after hunting out of season in Canada, and killing a beloved member of a nearby family: A friendly pet goose, named Wee Wee.
Sad story. Just a few suggestions for future pet goose names—
LAURA: Beth!
BETH: Gloria. Rocky. Zeus.
Things you name Wee Wee are –
LAURA: BETh!!
BETH: Nevermind.
Story 2
BETH: A basset hound that disappeared from its California home in December was found 430 miles away in Arizona. 6 Months, 430 miles for this pooch, named Fred. When contacted with Fred’s whereabouts, Fred’s speechless owners are quoted as saying:
Speechless.
BETH: (to Laura)- - Would he have made it that far if he was named Wee Wee??
LAURA: You do have a point there, Beth.
Story 3
LAURA: 47 cats were rescued from a house filled with feces, which was, in some areas, up to a half a foot deep. They are now getting medical assistance.
As one of the animal rescuers put it “we were slipping and sliding in there.”
Beth eats chocolate pudding.
[Laura is grossed out]
Story 4
LAURA: The annual World Dog Show competition took place in Mexico recently. After four exhausting days of competition, the title of Best in Show went to a Japanese-born French poodle, named Smash. The poodle beat out competitors like the Yorkshire Terrier, the American Cocker Spaniel and the Hairless Xylophone.
BETH: Laura. That doesn’t say xylophone.
LAURA: Oh! X — olo- ck—
BETH: Xylocuticle!
LAURA: Xlylocookie! Xylo …
No wonder it didn’t win.
Story 5
BETH: An 8 foot pet snake was reunited with its owner after it was found blocking highway traffic. The owner recognized his pet because of its missing eye.
He is relieved to have his hands back on his own one-eyed snake.
Story 6
LAURA: Customs officers at Cairo’s airport on Thursday detained a man bound for Saudi Arabia for smuggling. He was trying to smuggle 700 live snakes on a plane. Snakes. On a plane.
BETH: Yeah, Right Laura. Uh-huh. And in other news, 13 ridiculously good looking, well dressed men robbed a casino.
LAURA: No, it’s a true story. Snakes on a Plane.
BETH: Yeah! And a magic boy played some sport on a broom.
LAURA: It was in the news!
BETH: And Spiderman was just seen in Times Square!
Spiderman walks by. Beth is stunned.
LAURA: That’s all for today’s pet news. See you next time!
Rating:
